jesse coffee

Al and His Guitar

2010-03-21T00:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at the store, an old man, Al, came in with his granddaughter to pick up her flute that we had repaired. He asked if we had any flat-wound guitar strings for his Gibson 225-T. We didn’t have the strings, and as I began to look them up in the catalog, he began to tell me some of his story.

Al had been looking for a guitar when he was a much younger man, and his friend at Ferguson Music gave him a call to let him know he had put back a guitar from a new shipment that he thought he might like. Al went in, tried the guitar, and bought it right then. There was a blind man that tuned the pianos at Ferguson and at a bunch of different places around town. He said the blind man had an incredible ear, and was one of the best piano tuners around. The first thing Al did after he bought the guitar was take it to the blind man for him to adjust the pickups to get the perfect balance. Al said when he got the guitar back, it was magical how good it sounded after the adjustments.

Now, obviously, Al loves this guitar. In fact, he said that just about everyone that’s ever played it has offered to buy it from him. While he didn’t really say it, I could tell that he absolutely loves playing it too. One of my favorite things to do is to listen to people talk about their favorite things. I love the passion that people have, the life that is evident, when they talk about the things they love. Al had that type of passion in his voice. Here’s where Al absolutely broke my heart, but showed me a brilliant picture of what real love looks like.

He proceeded to tell me that he hadn’t played his guitar in a long time. His wife had gotten “the cancer”. She knew she didn’t have a long time left to live, and so she asked him to put his guitar up for a while so that they could spend as much time together as possible. So Al put it up...
_____________________________________________________________________

I can’t really explain why, but that was such a clear picture of true love to me. To put aside something that you care deeply about to pursue time with someone that you care even more deeply about. I hope that I can learn something from Al, that its very worth putting yourself aside for a little while to bring yourself as close to someone as possible, to put them ahead of yourself. I think that we can learn something from this about how to live like Christ has called us to live too.

This, my friends, is a new year.

2010-01-02T12:41:00.004-06:00

Whether you're calling it 2010, 20 aught 10, 2kx, or 2000 o' 10, it's upon us.

2009 presented a wealth of new opportunity, frustration, joy, heartache, confusion, hope. I can honestly say that I could not have imagined the things that would take place last year, but here are some of the highlights:

-I basically told some friends of mine that I was going to be in their band. They let me in, and we've now recorded the first full-length album in The Red River Connection's storied history. I've been incredibly blessed to have a chance to make music with these guys and live a little bit of real life in the process. So thank you, joshmicahbonniekarenzac for continuing to teach me that the definition of family is so much more than those people that you share genetics with.

-In the last 2 months, it seems like the majority of my friends have gotten engaged. I'm now singing at 6 weddings this year, and I couldn't be more honored to have been asked to do so. Some of their journeys have been a joy, others have been labor, but ultimately I feel blessed to have been a part of each one in some way. I'm excited to see these friends move into a new season of life, knowing that they will live to glorify Christ in their marriages.

-I've learned some life lessons, the hard way of course. A little bit about heartache, and a lot about hope. I've done so with friends old and new, and I thank God for them.

-I fell in love with a new instrument. The dobro has presented challenges far greater than I expected, but has also led to some of my favorite music moments of the last year.

______________________________

Yesterday morning, I sat around a table eating breakfast with some of my closest friends. The topic of new years resolutions was unavoidable, so we dove right in. I've learned that one should set goals that are actually attainable (which may sound like common sense, but it's advice rarely taken). Here are a few of mine for this fresh start:

-I want to read on purpose, not just when I feel like it or am obligated to for a class. Reading has led to the hardest questions I've ever been asked, and has also led to simple pleasures that can't be matched by any other thing.

-I want to practice an instrument everyday, on purpose. I tend to get comfortable with where my skill level sits on most instruments, and I don't push myself any further. I want to practice something on purpose everyday, to build that discipline which will lead to better creativity.

-I want to write something everyday. Whether it's a blog post, a journal entry, a haiku, a letter to someone, or a quote that I heard earlier in the day, I want to write something every single day.

-I want to become a better listener. I want to be more empathic. I want to listen so that I can live, so that I can know whats happening with my friends, acquaintances, co-workers, family, and so that I can know whats happening in the world around me. I want to be where I'm at, not somewhere else.

-Taking a page from my friend Karen's book, I want to buy local when possible. Be it clothing, coffee, or carrots, I want to make an effort to support local vendors/farmers/designers/musicians/craftsmen. (btw, check out her recent post here)

-I want to drink more water, and eat more vegetables.

-I want to graduate college.

So there they are. Some tangible goals. What are yours?

Listen to these beautiful words, and find that there is hope for today.

I'm not sure who said this, but this is a phrase I want to hold onto this year:
"If there's breath in your lungs
there's another chance in your bones."

It's the same

2009-07-29T01:48:00.002-05:00

I'm in North Bend, Washington right now (just Southeast of Seattle) working with some friends from Trinity and some other friends who were formerly Trinitians. Bobby and Kelli Higgenbotham and Curtis Lilly moved here from good ole Ada, OK to work with Lifepoint Community Church, a church plant in the Snoqualmie Valley.

Let's just say that the work has been hard and rewarding, but the circumstance is everything but what I expected it to be. Being at Falls Creek basically all summer, the high 90's days have gotten old. I expected to come up here to these beautiful mountains (which they most definitely are), and catch a break from the heat for a week.

Au contraire, mon fraire. It seems that we packed the heat in our carry ons, and let it out when we got off of the plane. The weather has literally been record highs for this time of year here, with temps in the upper 90's, and probably triple digits tomorrow, while it has been in the 70's and raining in Oklahoma. This, as you may imagine, is qutie frustrating. Who comes to Washington, in the mountains, and expects 90 degree weather everyday? Not I. And how does it decide to rain at home the week we're gone?

It's been a struggle to keep a good attitude, to be honest. I wanted something completely different than what I've been presented with, but God has been teaching me, the hard way as usual, some very important lessons.

1)My mission/job/call as a Christ follower is the same, regardless of location, circumstance, or expectation. I'm to tell people here about the love of Christ just the same as at home, which the heat so frequently has reminded me. My work is no different here than in Ada, it's just very different people and surroundings.

2)God does not have to get things done the way we may think is best. It's His mission, He calls the shots.

In the midst of this hard/hot/sometimes-frustrating trip, God has continually made Himself known by the things that He has made. Here's a little taste of what we've been working amongst.

http://twitvid.com/CF909

I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I think God might be drawing me to this area of the country. Maybe not the valley, but the Seattle/Tacoma area. It blows my mind and breaks my heart to think that people here are surrounded by such magnificence, and are so opposed to the Gospel.

Pray for the work that's being done here, and for the people who are living here, clueless to the love of Christ.

The Unbelief...

2009-04-15T18:53:00.004-05:00

This article by John Piper absolutely confirmed some things for me. Not just in relation to sexual lust, but just toward other things like worry and looking for confirmation in other people. It's fairly long, but definitely worth a read.

I've mentioned this to a lot of people lately, the thought that the times when we forget the simple promises that God has made to us or when we choose to not believe them are the times that our hearts get into trouble. It's definitely something that I wrestle with, and this article was a stern reminder of what's at stake.

from wherever spring arrives

2009-03-09T00:54:00.003-05:00

It has been absolutely gorgeous the last couple of days. I have to say that I am welcoming spring wholeheartedly this year. Hopefully the temperature will start to level out and those of us who are sick can finally get well.

The topic of being a godly man has been one of high frequency as of late. I must say that it's a topic that absolutely scares the crap out of me in some aspects and is a great encouragement to me in others. To be a man of God, in most ways, is opposite of what the culture around us defines manliness as. That is frustrating to say the least. I mean, if you look at everything from how to treat those around you to your relationship with your wife and kids, scripture screams in the face of what most men practice today, me included unfortunately.

I guess the key to being who we're called to be is something that I've learned through experience over the last 3 years especially. We can't do it alone, as bad as we want to be macho and tough out this walk with Jesus by our lonesome, we just can't do it. I need men around me to encourage me, rebuke me, teach me, laugh with me, cry with me, and recognize the God who loves us with we. I have been blessed with an amazing group of guys from all over the place that I can live life with, that I know will be there for me whether I need someone to high five, or if I need someone to put that high five to my face and give me a wake up call.

We cannot and must not to this on our own.

the inner ring

2009-01-27T11:47:00.002-06:00

C.S. Lewis, as I've said before, is absolutely one of my favorite authors. I think it may be the fact that he can write something like the Chronicles of Narnia, and also pen works like Mere Christianity and The Weight of Glory. I don't know of (though I'm sure there are) any other authors that can or have tackled two markedly different genres of literature so successfully.

I've talked about The Weight of Glory here before, but there is another sermon in that collection that I read the other night called The Inner Ring. In this sermon, Lewis describes this inner ring as the place where we're all trying to arrive, though the inner rings you're shooting for may not be the same as the ones that I am pursuing. This inner ring may be a certain group of people that you want to be friends with, a group of colleagues that you wish to be accepted by, or a board of leadership that you wish to move onto. Whatever they may be, because I believe that we're all striving for multiple inner rings, certain questions arise in our pursuit.

In one section of this sermon, Lewis says this:

"But if all you want is to be in the know, your pleasure will be short lived. The circle cannot have within the charm that it had from outside. By the very act of admitting you it has lost its magic. Once the first novelty has worn off, the members of this circle will be no more interesting than your old friends."

Now, I can say from lots of experience with this that this statement is true. I can name countless times that I have moved into a new inner circle to find that I only wish to be back where I was previously. To me, these words in some sense also describe our relationship to sin. We see this thing that we are pursuing (lust, money, acceptance, things), and when we finally have attained it, we realize that our means of acquiring it were not pure, or that the end result leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, or dirty.

In another section Lewis says this:

"A thing may be morally neutral and yet the desire for that thing may be dangerous."

To me, this is probably one of the most simply profound statements that I have ever heard. If I think about it, this is probably the dilemma that I am faced with more than anything. For example, having nice guitar gear is not wrong, but if that desire consumes me, if I do things that I normally wouldn't to acquire that stuff, then this moves that desire to being something that is dangerous. I think we can look at a lot of different areas in our lives and notice that this is the issue we face. It's those things that are not markedly right or wrong, black or white that cause us to stumble more than any other.

If you've read this far, thanks for taking the time.

impressions from the inauguration

2009-01-20T17:57:00.002-06:00

I would have to say that the enormity of the crowds left me a bit awestruck. I can’t fathom being in a crowd of 3-4 million people.

As a singer, I sympathized with Aretha. Temps that cold are not conducive to good singing, regardless of talent.

The Invocation was excellent, and when Rick Warren mentioned the name of Jesus, my heart leaped. I’m not trying to over-spiritualize the moment, but after all the previous controversy about praying in Jesus’ name, it pumped me up.

Obama’s speech was eloquent and down-to-earth, which are two things that don’t normally coincide. As a communication studies major, I tend to analyze every speech I hear, and I had to just let myself listen to this one. My favorite line was this:

“To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”

The poem…the poem. Something we talked about in one of my classes last semester was that most writers and poets are not the best candidates to interpret their own work. This was a prime example.

The benediction...lets just leave it at the fact that I was cool with it until "and when white will embrace what is right"...

This is one of those days, like 9.11, that I will never forget. Surely this is one of the greatest days in the history of our young country, whatever side of the aisle you sit on.

inclusion

2009-01-15T11:41:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about something now for about 2 weeks. I (I guess I could say we, for most of the people that read this blog) have a friend who, in my observation, believes their sole job in the world is to make everyone around them feel included. This is by no means a bad thing, and something that I want to strive to do more of.

For example, there was a group of people having a conversation, in which this person was a part. I walked up to the group late, kind of standing on the outside of the circle, just listening in. This person backed up to make a spot for me to enter said circle.

Now, for some people, this may not have meant much, but it made a huge impact on me for some reason that night. To see that this person was conscious of everyone around them, and to see them extend that invitation, verbal or not, made me feel welcome and immediately accepted.

I wanna make moves to be more like that, to let everyone know that they hold worth in my eyes. To let them know that they are an equal.

new musics

2009-01-13T19:30:00.001-06:00

So first, I want to say that my lap steel is completed. It sounds amazing. My playing, however, does not.

Second, YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE FICTION FAMILY (Jon Foreman and Sean Watkins) ALBUM RIGHT HERE FOR FREE!!!!!!1

moving

2009-01-13T01:03:00.003-06:00

from the very first chord, THIS is one of the most captivating and unrelentingly beautiful pieces of music that I have ever heard. If you have the time, it's definitely worth the listen.

listen to this

2009-01-06T02:39:00.003-06:00

No, seriously. Go listen to this album. It's Andrew Bird's forthcoming album, and it's amazing.

If you don't listen to the whole album, at least do yourself a favor and listen to the song "Anonanimal". It will blow your mind...probably.

this is a new year

2009-01-01T11:08:00.002-06:00

Last night as that oh so iconic crystal ball dropped, I was surrounded by my best friends. Some of them I see everyday. Some of them I don't get to see very often at all. Regardless, I had one of the best nights of my life. We didn't really do anything special, just caught up on each others lives, ate a TON of delicious foods, and listened to some really good (and some not so good) musics.

Once again, I believe we experienced a very stripped down example of what heaven will be like, the banquet table with friends.

I want to look for those times this year, where the Kingdom crashes into earth.

Here we come 2009.

we are far too easily pleased

2008-12-24T01:02:00.004-06:00

I've read C.S. Lewis' sermon "The Weight of Glory" about 3 times now, and it seems to be packed with some of the most sobering, and yet hopeful truths that I've ever been confronted with. Here is one of my favorite sections of it:

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I find this to be such a humbling statement. To know that our earthly desires, in all their current strength and seeming importance, are pretty much a joke in comparison to what we are offered...

Honestly, could we handle the glory that we are offered if we were to be shown it in full right now? I'm not quite sure we could.

some things I cannot adequately describe with words

2008-12-17T00:17:00.000-06:00

some things that I honestly cannot adequately describe with words:

-the profound effect that the beauty of the music of Sigur Ros and Morten Lauridsen have on my soul

-the absolute perfection that is the combination of tastes achieved when a good french pressed coffee meets my grandmother's pecan pie

-the feeling of a warm coat, hat, and scarf in the midst of bitter cold

baby, it's cold outside

2008-12-15T22:34:00.000-06:00

I love living in Oklahoma. Here in one reason why.

Yesterday, at about 4 p.m., it was approximately 75 degrees fahrenheit. Less than 6 hours later, the temperature was approximately 25 degrees fahrenheit. Ridiculous.

I didn't grow up here, so when we moved here in 1999, I had no idea that the weather could change so rapidly. I soon learned though, and over the last 9 years, this has become commonplace. I remember when my grandma and grandpa came out here for my graduation, a huge thunderstorm blew in in about 10 mins. Perfectly blue skies to torrential downpour and huge thunder and lightning. We (my parents, siblings, and I) didn't flinch. However, my grandma acted as if the world was ending, that Jesus Christ himself was riding in on his white horse on the front edge of this storm. I've honestly never known anyone that worries more than her.

All that to say, it's amazing to me how something like weather, and peoples mindsets, can change so quickly.

oh, what a weekend

2008-12-01T00:50:00.000-06:00

So the last 4 days have been especially great. Thanksgiving in Georgia with family for the first time in 3 years was the beginning. I can't honestly think of better food on the planet than at grandmothers house. She always has the freshest green beans, the most perfect stuffing, and sourdough bread to die for. Top that off with sweet tea, and you've created yourself a picture of heaven on earth. Oh, and we can't forget the pecan pie...

Then Friday with grandma and that side of the family. Some good mexican food and more sweet tea at Tiajuana's, followed by the Book Nook (an especially great used bookstore in downtown Dalton), then back to grandmas for some Sorry with my 7 year old cousin Gavin, who is the self proclaimed champion of Sorry. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't played me in a while, seeing as how Sorry is a game soley based on skill. Then to the Phase 10, which always ends up lasting far longer than anyone really wants it to. And finally, grandma's chili, which is absolutely the best chili known to man.

Saturday, we got back at about 9:45 after driving through the night, and I preceded back to Ada to nap in preperation for Bedlam, which turned out to be a great game as usual. I joined Jared, Jeff, and Dave for the game, and I must say it was quite a time. Jared and I brewed up some Nicaraguan fair trade coffee french press style, which, I might add, we got at the Robbie Seay show. Take that delicious coffee, add grandmothers pecan pie, and you have possibly one of the most dangerous food and drink combos that the world has ever seen. I believe that Jared will attest to its greatness.

Then, this morning, the Ten went quite well. That was followed by La Fiesta with more people than we had seats for at one table. The 12 page paper I wrote this afternoon wasn't very pleasant, but I got it done in anticipation of the Wii-fest which took place at the guys house. The house was packed once again, and it was a ton of fun.

I think I've seen a little bit of heaven the last 4 days, and it excites me.

relationships, or the lack thereof

2008-09-21T23:53:00.000-05:00

It seems that relationships, whether ending or beginning, have been quite the hot topic as of late.

I hate that this is true, but our theory which states that high school couples that go into college still a couple either break up within 4-6 weeks of school starting, or they stick it out and end up getting married, has proven itself true once again. There are few examples that sit in between. Like I said, I hate to see friends deal with this.

Other friends have fallen into the same situations they have dealt with before, finding out too late a few interesting details about their new prospect that totally throws everything for a loop. It especially sucks when things are going well. How and why this happens absolutely escapes me.

In one more example, a friend once again steps out on a limb to give a dating relationship a try. Once again, said friend gets shut down, for no good reason I might add, but a reason that we understand.

All of these things make me realize the complexity of relationships. Whether it's beginning them, maintaining them, or ending them, I think we forget just how much work goes into them, which is something that I'm learning about in my Interpersonal Communication class right now. Hopefully, one day, when I'm a little bigger, a little stronger, a little smarter, I'll actually be able to help someone with these things...maybe.

What I've been waiting for

2008-09-16T01:29:00.000-05:00

The jacket was necessary this morning as I left for class. That's one of my favorite days of the year. Chilled, clean, crisp air hit me in the face this morning as I rode my bike to class, and I couldn't really ask for much more.

I must say though, that the last few days have been interesting. I've spent some quality time with friends, new and old, and have been blessed by every second of it, but there is something that is weighing heavy on my heart, and I'm not 100% sure what the root of the weight is.

Might I suggest that everyone listens to Sigur Ros at this point? I believe they are best listened to on cold, clear nights, much like this one, driving in your car or riding your bike, looking up at the heavens, allowing the untouchable beauty of things created to shed a little light on the darkness.

From Psalm 8:
3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?

And from Psalm 147:
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.

rainy days and soul searching escapades

2008-09-10T17:21:00.000-05:00

It always seems that rainy days (which are my favorite types of days second only to very cold, crisp, perfectly clear days), stir up kinds of thoughts that only damp weather can.

I want to listen to Sigur Ros or Hammock with a cup of coffee in my hand and just think. To take a few moments while the sky falls to the earth and be alone in my head.

The dominating thought today has been a realization that I am far more blessed than I can even fathom. The last couple of nights have been incredible. Between playing music with close friends, to building relationships with new ones, and finally seeing an athletic event that our school just might have some potential to be pretty good in, love has been poured into me and I have dished it right back out.

I see the joy of Christ in these things, simple as they may be. As some of us talk about frequently, it is never disheartening to see people doing the things that they love to do. Someone taking part in that thing that they are passionate about, that thing that stirs their affections, encourages me to do the same.

I want whatever I do to give glory to the Creator. Eating, drinking, singing, playing, writing, setting, blocking, cooking, fooseballing, all for the glory of Christ.

The name of our fathers

2008-06-29T13:55:00.000-05:00

To carry on the name of our fathers.

That's a lot of weight to carry, I believe. To do well to carry on the legacy that our father and grandfathers have built for us. A weight that I don't believe I'll fully understand until they are away from here, gone to be with the Eternal Father.

Maybe for some of us, our fathers name is something that we want to be rid of, for whatever reason. Maybe he did things that we, by no means, want to be associated with. Or maybe we are nothing but proud of the things that our fathers and their fathers before them have done, leaving us a name to carry with confidence. Either way, we carry that name with us. We also, those of us who follow Jesus, carry the name of our Heavenly Father.

This name is one that we to soon forget about, doing and saying things that do not further his name in the least. It's a name that we often forget we carry. It's the name by which we are saved, and yet we are quick to forget it.

I hope that I am doing all that I can to bring recognition and fame to His name, but I know that far to frequently, that's just not the case.

He gives and takes away

2008-06-14T01:13:00.000-05:00

If you know the song "Blessed Be Your Name", or more importantly, know the story of Job from scripture, then you probably recognize the line in the title of this post. The last month or so, and especially this past week, these words have pervaded my thoughts.

Super Summer was this week, which are 7 days that I look forward to with great anticipation every year. This year was far different from any year that I have ever experienced before. Being on executive staff allows one to see another side of super summer, and a lot of times, its the one thats not pretty. Dealing with kids who are supposed to be leaders that are rude to their youth ministers or team leaders, sending kids home for pulling stupid pranks on each other, sending kids home because they became ill or got a spider bite, and sending kids home because of a tragedy in their family are just a few of the 'joys' that come along with the position. I personally didn't send a kid home, but the impact that has on their youth minister, who is being represented by that kid, can be very damaging.

Take those things and then add them to all the junk that has been happening in and to our church lately (deaths of family members, pipes breaking and flooding the sanctuary, air conditioners breaking, property being vandalized), and you have what seems to be a very frustrating and draining situation. These may be some of the things that fit in the category of "the Lord takes away".

While the above things weigh heavy on me and some of my friends, the Lord has not abandoned us, although sometimes it may feel as if he has. I had an amazing week leading worship for our school and I met some new friends. God revealed Himself to me in new ways that help to spur me on in this journey to follow and become like Christ. For that I am thankful.

All of this reminds me of a scripture that a friend pointed me to during my parents divorce. I'll leave you with the passage from 1 Corinthians chapter 1.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

four years ago seems like yesterday

2008-05-23T11:15:00.000-05:00

Last night, my little brother graduated from the prestigious Seminole High School. A few of my friends that I graduated with were there, and some of them I hadn't seen since our big night. Needless to say, awkward conversations and catching up commenced. I swear I was mentally preparing myself to go to Grants house after the commencement to play Halo until 6 in the morning like we did after our graduation.

It was surreal sitting there amongst the crowd of people, a lot of whom I recognized, watching my little brother and all his classmates walk across that field. It saddened me a bit to know that some of the people there had no connection to anyone graduating, other than the fact that they to graduated from Seminole, but they had nothing better to do than come sit in that old stadium. To think that some of them are still so deeply connected to that high school 5, 10, 20 years after they graduate is confusing to me. I guess that when I left that place, I was very much ready to be gone from there. This wasn't because I didn't enjoy my time there. I still love hearing about Chieftain football, what music the band is playing this year, and how the speech & debate team is doing, and how many people are failing Mrs. Rose's senior AP english class. But ultimately, I was needing to go, just to change my surroundings.

I'm not really sure what the point of all these ramblings are. Just observations I guess, but observations that have made me look hard at the last four years of my life and how much I have changed, and how the little old town of Seminole has virtually stayed the same.

graduations:grandmas

2008-05-22T01:11:00.000-05:00

graduations:

a little over a week ago, some of my best friends graduated from college.

some of those friends went home immediately to begin to be grown ups. pretty lame if you ask me.

some of them stayed around for a little while, a bit reluctant to leave.

some of them decided that the plans that they had made were no longer going to be their plans, choosing to leave them for another road into the future, however hard that decision was.

some have no idea what they are going to do, and couldn't care if they found out or not.

regardless of their departure, its hard to see them leave. i know that in some cases, i will never be as close to them again as i was the day of graduation. that fact seems to haunt me sometimes, that they may become just some guys that i knew for four years or so, and not people that played an integral part of my life.

i could sit here and list the 1,000,000 memories that i have of the last 4 years, but i don't want to bore you (if you're still reading this). lets just say that God has ushered in a new season of life for me, one that i don't yet know what to think of.

and i wait ever so impatiently to know where He will lead me and who He will lead me to.

grandmas:

the realization that i don't know when my grandparents will die has subtly worked its way into my thoughts lately. a few friends have lost their loved ones lately, and it reminds me of my grandpa. i think back to the man that he was, who he taught me to be without my knowledge of him even doing so. i think about how my grandma loved him through it, how she patiently stayed with him until he went home to the banquent table, to drink good wine and eat good food with our Father.

each word from the mouths of my grandparents seem to hold more weight as of late. it doesn't matter if its my grandma warning me to put my savings bonds in a safe place so that they don't get lost, or if its my grandmother telling me she's proud of me for making good grades. i relish these utterances from the hearts of women who have spoken more wisdom into my heart than any other two people that i can think of.

and i love them for it.

you know what i's talking about?

2008-01-25T17:13:00.000-06:00

have you ever had that one thing introduced to you that you absolutely
cannot get out of your head? it may be a book, a band, an instrument, a
movie, a song, a scripture, an insult, someone talking about your momma,
or any number of other things. you just can't push it out of your mind.

sometimes i embrace those things, if i like them enough. like the first
time that i hear a song and it haunts me for the rest of the day, or
sometimes a week or more, because it was just that captivating. or the
first time you watch a movie and you wish that your life could be that
way, not because the main character is a superhero and gets all the
ladies, but because you want to hurt like the protagonist did, you want
to have that kind of normal life instead of yours. or the first time
that you realize that there isn't a thing that you can do to gain your
own redemption and reconciliation, and its the most incredibly freeing
revelation that you have ever had.

sometimes i despise those things, if they upset me enough. like when
your parents tell you they're getting divorced after they've been
married for over 20 years. or a good friend tells you that their
favorite band is nickelback. or that there is nothing that you can do to gain your own redemption and reconciliation, and its the most incredibly frustrating revelation that you have ever been confronted with.

it's amazing how our minds work. and our hearts.

Really? You're not?

2008-01-17T09:21:00.000-06:00

No, I am not a morning person. Thanks for asking.

But when I do get up early, there are some things that I very much enjoy.

1)The sunrise-it's a new day, aw baby it's a new day.

2)When it's cold, I enjoy being blasted with it when I walk out of my house. I guess it's the ultimate wakeup call.

3)A strong cup of coffee, preferably something french pressed or an americano. Not sure that there is much of anything better in the morning.

I guess what I'm saying is, getting up early is not so bad after all.

But some days it's the worst.

fall brings on the cold...heart

2007-10-30T21:01:00.000-05:00

So fall has arrived. The cold has snapped and coat and beanie wearing has commenced. Sigur Ros has been listened to (and is continuing to be listened to due to their new album). Coffee has been consumed more frequently, and a general sense of nostalgia has filled the air. This time of year has always been my favorite. I enjoy nothing more than to walk outside in the morning and have to walk back in and put on a jacket. This time of year brings a lot of contemplating. And that gets me in some heart troubles.

As of late, I miss some old friends much more acutely, and want to visit my family in Georgia very, very badly. I also can't seem to muster up the courage to ask a certain interest of mine to dinner, and this drives me crazy. I guess I should just man up and do it, but the ever present fear of rejection seems to keep the words from escaping my mouth.

I see God so clearly in these days, and mostly in the perfectly crisp, clear nights. The stars seem brighter than usual, and the moon has been as silvery as can be, leading me to a realization that there is something good in the world, although chances are it may not be me.

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. Romans 1:20

Stay Humble

2007-09-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

Here are some lyrics to a song by Tyler James (not the british one) that I particularly like.

Stay Humble

its for your own, its for your own goodness sake
its for your own protection from steps that you might take
i'm selfish, there i said it - it scares me when i see
that i can't deny what comes so naturally

stay humble humble humble

its for your own, its for your own clear view
its for your own efforts to hold on to whats true
my comfort and my glory - are shaken when i see -
that my life's not a story about me

stay humble humble humble

would someone please awaken me from my sleep
would someone please awaken me from my sleep
if you would wipe the sleep from my eyes
i could die to myself tonight
but i've been asleep
i've been asleep

Of First Importance

2007-09-15T23:51:00.000-05:00

While reading a little bit tonight, as well as listening to Matt Chandler's sermon series on the cross, some things have jumped out at me. Namely, the fact that we cannot take to lightly the cross and resurrection of Christ and the power that we receive through it alone. Nothing more, nothing less. Just the cross of Christ. Secondly, while reading through this chapter, verse 56 brought to light a thought that I've been learning more and more, but still can't quite grasp. That is, the fact that sin has power in our lives because of the law, because of the things that we think we must do to have the favor of God. This thought is destroyed by the cross of Christ. I just wish that I could fully take hold of it. Here are the texts that struck me.

1 Corinthians 15

The Resurrection of Christ

¹Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. ²By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.

³For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, ⁴that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, ⁵and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve. ⁶After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. ⁷Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, ⁸and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.

⁹For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. ¹⁰But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. ¹¹Whether, then, it was I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.

⁵⁴When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
⁵⁵"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?" ⁵⁶The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁵⁸Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.